Boys Don't Cry
by Razorwind's Angel
Summary: This is my first Shouen Ai romance with the 1x2 coupling. It's really really sad, there's a lot of cursing, and I feel bad writing this but I had to! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! There may be a sequal to this someday, but currently I'm too busy to write one...t


My Shouen Ai muse is gonna kick my ass if I don't re-write this story. This accursed story that I wrote in two hours over Christmas Break then proceeded to lose when I got back home. So here it is, my first attempt at a Shouen Ai romance (1x2). It's really sad, there's a helluva lot of cursing, and a little Relena bashing…there, I said it. I'm actually doing this… 

Oh, its First Person Duo's POV. Heero's OOC. I've wrote him similar to this before and people told me he wasn't OOC, but I'm convinced that it is. 

****

Boys Don't Cry

A boy's father is killed in a hit and run. He goes to the hospital, to the morgue, to the funeral, to the wake…yet the boy never sheds a tear. He can only grieve in silence, drowning forever in his own sorrow.

When the boy becomes a teenager, his best friend dies of a deadly and incurable disease. Once again he goes through the ropes of a loved one dying. And once again he never cries. More sorrow to add to his overflowing bucket.

His life is filled with ups and downs, times of joy and times of sorrow. Yet this boy who as become a man never lets himself weep, openly or privately. 

Why? Because it is drilled in to his system? Because his father taught him to be a big tough man and never shed one single tear even through the darkest days?

Well everyone says that boys don't cry, right?

~

I knew I was staring at him. I had been standing there at the edge of the pool, chest high water slowly turning cold around me, staring at the inert human form laying on the lawn chair. Dark sunglasses, his wild dark brown hair, blue shorts and no shirt, the guy symbolized everything that I wanted…and couldn't have.

The big question was did he know I was staring at him, or was he once again in his own little world. 

During a really inopportune time in the final battle with Mariemaia I had come to realize that I loved this man of steel that had saved my ass more than once. It was that one moment when he had made the conscious choice to fire his Buster Cannon one last time, knowing good and well Wing Zero was done for if he did.

That was a year ago, now here I was, staring at him from Quatre's pool and going over the words I wished I could say for the millionth time in my head.

Had it all ready been a year? Yeah, it had…well, a little over now. We were all eighteen now, together as a team for three years, and I still hadn't told Heero Yuy anything about how I felt. I think the only one of us that even had a clue besides yours truly that I was in love with 'The Perfect Solider' was Quatre Raberba Winner. Of course, Quatre knew everything that was going on around his mansion, including our love lives…or lack there of. 

At that moment I knew the blonde Arabian was somewhere in the front yard, probably tending to the twenty white and red rose bushes he had out there. I guess being from the desert and the colony Quatre had an affinity to roses since they couldn't grow in either environment.

I had a feeling Trowa Barton was out there with him, too.

Wufei Chang had taken off early in the morning to go in to town. I guess he just wanted to get away from me…

So that left Heero and I alone. The perfect chance to tell him, hai?

Nope.

Simply 'cause I didn't have the guts. 

I mean, duh, Maxwell…gezz, like I _haven't _had thousands of perfectly good chances to tell him! It's been a year for Christ's sakes! No wonder he thinks I'm a total bakayaro…

I could pilot a mobile suit, survive being captured and beaten by OZ troops numerous times, and get by in life by stealing, but I didn't have enough guts to tell the man I loved the truth.

I had a million reasons for not telling Heero. The big two being 1) I was afraid he wouldn't feel the same way and 2) Relena Peacecraft. Yes, that damned Princess…

I knew for a fact that Mrs. Queen High Bitch of the World had the hots for Heero. She could have shouted it from the rooftops and everyone would turn around and say 'We know all ready! Shut up!' she was so damn obvious. 

The one person that wasn't obvious was Heero himself. No one knew what this guy was thinking, let alone feeling. That is if he even did feel. Maybe he did…who knows? So if he had anything going for Relena, he wasn't saying anything to her or us. You'd think the fact that he goes out of his way to avoid her would be a good clue that he didn't like the damn woman, but that was countered by the other fact that no matter how many times he threatens her life, he can't go through with it.

Yet he did the same thing to me…

Maybe he just doesn't like people…

Back to the subject at hand, since I seem to be rambling.

I had been standing there in the pool staring at my angel for at least an hour then. I was wondering if maybe he was in a coma or something since he hadn't moved in over three hours, save the steady rising and falling of his chest, and that's when his head jerked up suddenly. 

I gasped and ducked under the water quickly to discount any suspicions he might have had of me watching him. Unfortunately I did the dumb thing of staying the exact spot I had been in for the past hour and left my hands still clinging to the edge, making no attempt to move. 

I felt a shadow descend over me slowly, blocking out the early summer sunlight. I didn't have the same rigorous training that Heero had, but I knew I could easily beat him in hold breath underwater, so I figured I could just stay there until he left. I thought he would, since anything I did just appeared to bore the guy to death, but after three minutes the shadow never moved, not even to pull me up or step on my hands. 

After four minutes I was getting a little irked. What in the hell was he doing up there?

Five minutes. My lungs were starting to tingle from lack of air and I was feeling a tad light headed. I had about four minutes left then before I would absolutely have to return to the surface. He still hadn't moved.

Was he just waiting for me to run out of air? 

Six minutes. My eyes were starting to burn and I absently wondered if Quatre put too much chlorine in the pool again. There was still no sign of him moving and if I even tried to swim to the other side of the pool now I would have to come back up for air. My lungs and limbs were protesting profusely from the lack of oxygen to my muscles. I could feel my heart rate automatically slow down. 

I finally gave in and resurfaced. I sucked in deep breaths of air and tired to get my head to stop spinning. Everything had a really muffled sound and I couldn't see straight. Yeah, I could hold my breath, but it came with some side affects.

"Down there long enough?" I heard Heero's gruff monotone voice ask me. 

"I was searching for lost gold." I answered dryly, then coughed a few times to get my lungs functioning normally again. I looked up at the tall dark haired person I'd come to know so many years ago and frowned. Some things never change. He was standing there with his arms crossed over his bare tan chest looking to the skies, no expression registering on his face. Just once I wish he'd show some emotions off the battlefield. 

"You been out here long?" he asked, still scanning the skies for some unseen foe. I shrugged even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"A while. Were you asleep?" I asked him. His response was a slow nod. I knew he wouldn't give me a straight answer but I felt like asking, "You got something on your mind, Heero?" 

It surprised me when he actually turned his attention towards me, removing the dark sunglasses over his eyes and tossing them back on the lawn chair with ease. 

What nearly sent me in to cardiac arrest was when he actually answered with a civilized, non-grunting or threatening response.

"Remember when you told me I should lighten up?" he asked in return. I subconsciously rubbed my lower jaw. How could I forget that lightening quick upper cut that sent me flying in to the wall? That was only a couple of weeks ago, but the stinging pain whenever I chewed was still there. 

"Yup. I remember. Why do you ask?" was my semi honest response. I still had a few choice words I could say to him for that, but seeing him take on the position of a civilized human made me decide now wasn't the best time to give him a piece of my mind for what he did. 

"I've been thinking." He stated simply, staring at me with such intensity in his deep blue eyes. A light breeze came by and gently brushed his wild dark brown hair over his forehead, the sunlight giving his eyes a bright glow that I'd never seen before…or just never noticed. 

"What else is new? You're always thinking," I retorted, mentally cursing my sharp tongue. Why couldn't I ever just say what was on my mind!

Heero chose to ignore the comment, looking over my head at something on the other side of the pool.

"Well, maybe you're right." He finally said. My eyes went wide and I almost choked.

"Y-y-you're actually going to take my advice?" I was able to say through all my sputtering and idiotic bumbling. Heero methodically nodded again, running his large hand through his hair. I could have slapped my self for what I was hearing escape his lips. I was convinced that this had to be some kind of freaky dream or I had been thrust in to some alternative reality where Heero Yuy actually cared about what I said. 

_What's next? Wufei decides to be nice to me? Trowa smiles? Quatre wants to go sky diving?! Oh, shut the fuck up Maxwell and listen to what the guy has to say!_

I looked back up to see Heero staring back down at me again. Now I was sure I was tripping on some really bad drugs because at the corner of his usually tight-lipped mouth I saw the beginnings of a smile.

"You heard me, Duo. I think that you're right." He repeated, obviously seeing the completely stunned expression that I was wearing. 

"Why?" I squeaked. 

"I've been thinking lately…The war is over, we haven't had any other threats. Maybe I don't have to be a soldier anymore." Heero answered me with an indifferent shrug.

"That's good an' all, Heero, but how can you undo thirteen years of training?" I inquired. Heero gave another shrug.

"Don't know. I guess I'll just have to start trying to be…" he trailed off, searching his mind for the right word. I raised an eyebrow and said "Normal?"

Heero's eyes bore in to me, looking long at me before saying anything.

"Yeah, normal." 

"And how do you plan on doing that?" 

"Relaxing and having fun for a start," was his easy response. He made it sound so simple I just had to laugh. 

"You? Having fun? Heero, I'm sorry buddy, I don't mean to burst your little fantasy bubble but 'fun' isn't in your vocabulary!" I exclaimed through my laughter. Heero just raised a dark eyebrow at me; his mouth set in a straight line and his eyes questioning my outburst. I could only continue laughing as he stared down at me with that incredulous look, "Look at you! You wouldn't know fun if it came up and smacked you in your ass! You'd probably try to kill it if it did!" I added. I knew I was being a little harsh, and I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, but truth be known I just couldn't help myself. I was telling the truth from my perspective and everyone else's at that. None of us thought that Heero knew how to have fun.

I should have known that I was about to eat my words on a silver platter, washed down with about a gallon of pool water.

"Hey…where ya going?" I asked as Heero started to walk away, "Heero I didn't mean nothin' by it! Honest!" I called out after the tall boy, thinking he'd gotten fed up with my rather disbelieving attitude towards his ideas. 

That's when he caught me by surprise. He stopped walking and crossed his arms tightly over his chest, just barely looking over his shoulder at me with his stunning blue eyes. 

"Maxwell, you've really got to learn when to shut up." He said gruffly, then spun on his heel and took off running right for the pool in one fluid, almost dance-like motion. I could only stand there with my jaw dropped open wide as he hit the edge of the pool and leaped gracefully over my head, clearing me by at least three feet. He landed in the crystal water with a perfect cannon ball…soaking me with the biggest wave I'd ever seen outside the ocean. The force of the thing alone knocked my head forward and nearly sent me flying up on the deck. My chin resting in my right hand, I rapped my fingers on the rough cement of the pool deck in an annoyed fashion. I shook my head and attempted to get my sopping wet bangs out of my eyes, then turned around to give Heero a piece of my mind…only to see the pool empty. The crystal waters were still gently sending out tiny ripples from Heero's dive, but other than that and my own breathing breaking the waters, the pool was devoid of life and movement.

"Heero?" I called out, my eyes darting nervously around. Where could he have gone so fast without me noticing?

"Heero? Hey, come on. Where'd you go now?" I called in to the emptiness, my voice becoming edgy with exasperation. I didn't like this one bit, "Dude! This isn't funny!" I snapped, clutching the edge of the pool tightly with anxiety. Could he have hit his head in that daring move? After all I was standing in only four feet of water, and Heero stood six foot two now, two inches over my six even. 

I was so busy scanning the area where Heero had landed for any sign of a still form in the water I never noticed the dark shadow slinking up behind me like a shark. 

Before I could even say 'You bastard' Heero had his arms tightly around my thin waist and was dragging me down in to the shinning depths of the pool. Caught completely off guard by his action I gasped on the way down and wound up sucking in water instead of air. I felt my lungs quickly fill with the liquid and begin to burn from the alien substance in my body. I coughed and sputtered under water, only making it worse. Kicking Heero off of me I broke to the surface, thrashing about until I found the edge and grabbed a hold. Hanging over the edge I pounded my fist in to my chest, forcing the water back out of my lungs. Coughs racked my body as water came spewing from my mouth, and I realized just how much that had hurt. My lungs burned and my eyes stung with tears from the pain of having oxygen restricted from my body in such a way. 

_Damn it he is gonna PAY! _I thought bitterly as I heard him laughing beside me. Right then my anger was getting the best of me, but now that I look back at it I remember that was the first time I had ever heard him laugh. It was like deep wind chimes, beautiful and seducing. If it wasn't for the pain ripping through my lungs I would have been convinced that it was some kind of dream. His laugh was so…ethereal. It was almost haunting in a way.

Like I said, though. My only thought at that time was the ultimate revenge. 

"I got you good! You didn't even see that one coming!" Heero exclaimed excitedly, glad to have finally pulled one on me, the master of pranks…that were constantly played on him.

I just stood there coughing, trying hard to get the burning water out of my body. 

"Hey, Duo…you're okay." He said, and I could tell by the hint of concern in his voice that he wanted to ask me that and not state it like some over bearing father. I let out another cough in response and felt the last of the water leave my system. 

"Duo?" It was an actual question this time, showing that by some miracle Heero Yuy had come to be concerned for some one's safety. 

Yeah, it was cold, it was low, but I just had to take that moment to really get him back for what he did. 

I pretended to keep choking on the water, coughing and sputtering while leaning over the edge. 

"Duo? Duo, are you okay?" Heero asked again, sloshing through the waist high water to get to me. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him approach slowly, barely reaching his hand out to touch me on my shoulder. He continued to repeat my name as I continued to cough, holding a hand to my chest for dramatic effect. Once he was in arms reach I let a slow, sly smile spread across my features. 

This was going to be too sweet. 

Leaping at him with an animal cry I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him under. He didn't stand a chance with the element of surprise on my side. We both went under the churning waters, me holding him down by his shoulders. Opening my eyes under the water I looked at the figure I was holding down and saw he was staring right back at me, the intensity in his deep blue eyes shocking me right in to letting go momentarily. Instead of swimming his way back up to the top like I thought he would he just floated there in the water, staring at me like he was trying to pry in to my soul. Somewhere in the moment we floated closer together, both of us just looking in to each other's eyes. My face was inches from his, I was so close…

Then fear over took my heart and I put my foot on the bottom of the pool and propelled my self to the top, breaking through with a gasp of much needed air. Heero took his time resurfacing, slowly rising from the depths like some mythological sea god rising from his domain.

And he had that look again…

I groaned inwardly as he narrowed his eyes and smirked with so much arrogance I thought I was just going to have to hit him to get him to stop. 

"Maxwell…" he said slowly, evenly, "Now you die." 

Heero tried to leap at me, but this time I had the warning I needed and leaped out of the way, diving back in to the cold water and darting to the other end of the pool where I popped back up again, laughing the whole way.

"Is that so? Well, in that case, Yuy," I took a deep breath and cupped my hands over my mouth, "HHHEEEEERRROOOOO!!!! COME BACK AND KILL ME!!!!" I hollered in the most feminine voice possible, giving a quick shutter after I realized that impersonation of Relena dead on. Heero spun in my direction, his eyes flashing but his smile never fading. 

"Oh, that's it! You've asked for it this time!" He exclaimed, ducking under the water after me. 

As I dashed away from yet another dunking attack, a quick but comforting thought ran through my mind. 

_Well, if he doesn't like me like I like him, at least I know we can always be friends…_

~

The sun had set hours before and the summer night air had cooled to a tolerable degree. All around the forest little bugs buzzed about, enjoying the night just as much as we were. For the first time in ages I was having fun…and so was Heero.

Smiling, laughing, talking…we'd been doing that for hours and it never seemed to get old. At one point we had played a demented version of Marco Polo with me dashing to one end of the pool then screaming like Relena just for laughs, which he did plenty of, commenting that I did a dead ringer impression of the 'Queen of the World'. It was then that I realized there might not have been something between the two of them after all, though it didn't renew my hope for a relationship like I'd hoped it would. 

I guess I still had my fear of rejection to get over. 

At the time, though, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I was concentrating on having fun and just kicking back with Heero. Sure we were both pretty water logged, and I knew my hair was going to smell like chlorine for weeks even if I showered, but I didn't care. I was happy, he was happy, and that's all that mattered. 

I should have known it wasn't going to last. 

I'd dragged out one of the big inflatable rafts and was laying on it while trailing my fingers in the water. Heero was talking to me in between swimming laps back and forth, getting some actual exercise I assumed. I'd floated in to the shallow section when Heero came back up again near the raft. I stared at the twinkling stars wistfully, wishing that this night would never end…and wishing that I would just have the damn guts to tell Heero how I really felt. 

"So you really think that, eh?" I asked when I heard Heero resurface. 

"Yeah, I think that we should." He answered me. I rolled my head to the side to get a good look at him. The only light we had were the underwater aqua lights in the pool and the light of the stars, so his face was darkly shadowed on one side and glowing with an aqua green tinge on the other, giving him an ethereal appearance. 

"But what's the use in going back to our home colonies for a visit? Really, all it would do is probably dredge up memories that we really don't need right now." I responded logically. 

"Maybe that's something you need." Heero countered, defensively folding his arms over his muscular chest and daring me to contradict him with a single look.

"Me?" I echoed, pointing innocently at my self, "Why in Shinigami's name would you say a thing like that, Heero?" 

"You've told me so yourself that you don't remember anything before you were five. Maybe going back would help your memory." He answered sharply, his eyes baring in to me once again. I shook my head and tried to ignore that intense glow in his eyes.

"Tried that all ready, bud. It's just not going to come back to me. Besides, do you really think Quatre would want to go back and relive the nightmare of his father dying? And what about Wufei? He has no place to go back to, or did you forget that, too?" I said smartly, giving a little smile at the end of my statement. Heero glared at me, his eyes turning icy again.

"Okay, so that slipped my mind. Big deal. It was only a suggestion." He shot back coldly, his tone showing he wasn't too happy with my rather smart assed comment. I continued to grin in that way that seemed to annoy him so much. 

"Ooo…so now you're gonna get pissed. Ya know, I think you've been around us a little too long. You're starting to sound like me!" I exclaimed with a humorous laugh. Well, okay, humorous to me anyway. Heero wasn't exactly laughing at my sharp wit. 

"Yeah…and I'm starting to act like you!" He countered snidely, leaping at me with a growl and ramming his body roughly in to mine, throwing us both off the raft and in to the water. His arms around my waist, we both sunk quickly to the bottom. A little too fast, though. 

My vision flashed red as my head whacked ungracefully in to the rough bottom of the pool. I let out a gasp and the water came rushing in once again. Heero quickly detached himself from me and swam to the top, not realizing I wasn't coming up.

My body was on fire, screaming for oxygen that I wasn't giving. I thrashed around in a panic but only succeeded in going around in circles under the water. Fiery sensations ran all over my body and I tried to scream out when I realized that my legs and arms had cramped up from the lack of oxygen. That only helped in bringing more water in to my lungs. Blackness swarmed in front of my vision and my head suddenly felt light. I was going to die down there…

Suddenly two strong arms were around my chest and I was being pulled to the surface. Some one was screaming my name but I couldn't hear. Spots danced in front of my eyes and I felt as though I'd stepped in to a fog barrier. Who ever had grabbed me was now pulling my body on to the deck, still screaming my name. 

My lungs were instinctively attempting to suck in much needed air but only gargled noises emitted from my throat. I was on fire and freezing cold at the same time. Pain ripped through my body with each choked attempt at breath.

Who had saved me?

I saw a blurred figure kneeling above me, shaking my shoulders in a frantic attempt to wake me. Suddenly my ears popped and a voice came to me through the darkness.

"-ou! DUO! COME ON DAMN IT BREATHE!" the familiar voice was screaming at the top of his lungs. My only response was a gargle of pain. 

_Heero…he came back down for me…_

"FUCK!" Heero cursed loudly. Through the fog I saw him run his hands franticly through his wet hair then return to the problem at hand. My vision swirled again and I felt darkness slipping in. As much as my mind tried to claw to the surface I knew that I was loosing the battle. 

"DUO I'M NOT LOOSING YOU!" was the last thing I heard before a whole new pain ripped through my upper torso. He'd punched my chest in order to get me breathing again. 

My body bucked in pain and I felt the water blast through my lungs, past my throat and spill out of my mouth all in one painful cough. Heero pushed on my chest this time, pushing even more water out of my mouth. One last time and I felt the water leave for good. Coughing violently while laying on the cold wet ground I thanked who ever had been watching over me that Heero had been there to save my sorry ass. I was shaking horribly and felt like some one had put me through the wringer. My vision finally cleared and I could see Heero sitting on his knees with his hands on his legs staring at me, his eyes flashing with fear and concern for me.

"I'm okay…" I choked out, my voice raspy. Just the effort of speaking sent me in to another fit of harsh coughing. Heero reached out and gently placed his arm around my shoulders, helping me get in to a sitting position. 

"Shit…I'd thought you were a goner." He said, looking in to my eyes. I shook my head.

"Nope, not me…I'm the God of Death, 'member?" I rasped with a forced smile. Truth was, I'd though the same exact thing. He gave me another soul-searching look and frowned deeply.

"I'm sorry about that, Duo. I never meant to get you killed." I gave him a shaky, practiced smile.

"It's not your fault. We just went down so fast that I didn't have enough time to pull up." I said with as much comfort I could muster. My throat was dry despite all the water I'd swallowed and it felt like some one had taken sandpaper to my insides. Heero shook his head roughly.

"No, really. I shouldn't have tackled you like that, not in the shallow end." He leaned in close, just inches away from my face. I could feel his breath on my neck and the sensation sent excited chills down my spine, "I really am sorry, Duo. I'll never do that again, I promise." 

The way he was looking at me, with his eyes so flooded with concern for me…Kami, I just wanted to reach out and kiss him right then to tell him I was perfectly fine.

"Heero, I-"

"Heero! Duo!" Quatre's voice cut through the night air. Heero jerked back in a tense motion, sitting back on his legs like he had been earlier. Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre all came jogging over, Quatre looking the most concerned.

"We heard you screaming, Heero. Is everything all right?" the blonde Arab asked, his aqua eyes dancing with worry in the dim light of the glowing pool. 

"Duo just had a little run in with the bottom of the pool." Heero informed him half jokingly, causing me to blush in humiliation and self-consciously scratch the back of my head. 

"Heh heh…it's nothing, really. I'm okay now." I said sheepishly, not meeting any of their gazes. 

"Are you sure?" Trowa asked, "You're shaking." He added. I took my hand away from the back of my head and looked at it. I was indeed shaking. 

"You're pale, too." Wufei said pointedly. I shrugged.

"Close call…" I said softly, then said loud enough for every one to hear, "I guess I'm just cold." 

Heero placed his arm back around my shoulders and helped me stand.

"Then you should get back inside before you get sick." He said, his voice once again returning to it's no-nonsense monotone. I only nodded my head and walked with his support back to the house. Just as we made it back to the door I looked over my shoulder to see Quatre staring at me with an all-knowing look. 

Once I had a fluffy warm towel wrapped around me and every one had parted ways to separate ends of the house Quatre finally approached me.

"I know you probably want to get a nice warm shower to warm up, but I was hoping when you were done we could have a minute to talk." 

"Sure, Quatre."

~

"Why haven't you told him?" Quatre asked knowingly once I walked back in to the spacious living room. I stopped dead in my tracks and immediately found my self stumbling over my words.

"I-I-I-How did you know!" I finally shrieked, causing Quatre to jump in surprise, "Sorry…" I muttered.

"No, it's all right. Duo, you're more than obvious in the way that you act. I think it's time you told him before it eats you up inside." Quatre stated logically, pointing his finger in the air as though it were some well-known fact. 

"It's not that easy, kid…" I grumbled, calling him 'kid' out of habit from his short stature and baby-faced looks. Quatre gave me a sweet smile and walked towards me, reaching up and placing his hands on my shoulders.

"You just need to come out and say it, Duo. What ever fear that's holding you back in your mind is tiny compared to what you're feeling in here." He said wistfully, gently touching the place on my chest where my heart would be with his fingertips, "You just have to go and face that fear head on, and conquer it like everything in your life that you have." He finished, looking up at me with those big, shining aqua eyes of his. 

A huge smile broke my face and I embraced my friend in a tight hug.

"Thank you, Quat." 

~

I was shaking horribly as I reached forward to knock on the door. Could I really go through with it? I had to. I was going to go mad if I didn't.

I gently rapped on the door three times and waited with growing anxiety. After thirty seconds I figured that he was still in the shower and turned to walk away when the door finally swung open to reveal Heero standing there in nothing but white boxers and a glass of soda in his hand. 

"Oh, hey Duo. How you feeling?" he asked me, slightly tilting his head and gazing at me. 

"Uh…okay I guess." I answered with an indifferent shrug, fighting off the urge to just tackle the boy and pin him to the ground right there. Instead I started rambling like the idiot I am, "Uh, I was kinda hoping I could talk to you but if you're busy I could just-"

"Duo!" Heero snapped, cutting me off in mid-ramble. I stood there with my hand in the air, confused and looking to Heero for an answer.

"It's okay. We can talk." He finally answered with a tiny smile. He stepped back from the door to allow me. I treaded in and waited as he closed the door behind him.

"So, Duo, what's on your mind?" he asked, gesturing towards the neatly made bed. I sat down on the bouncy mattress and he grabbed the wooden chair sitting at the large office desk. 

"I uh…I wanted to say thank you for saving me tonight. I don't know what I would have done had you not come back down for me." I said, wringing my hands nervously together and deliberately avoiding his eyes. I could feel his eye baring in to me, staring at me intensely, trying to figure out my mind. 

"There's something else on your mind." He said pointedly. I laughed inwardly. Even when he seemed to do everything in his power to ignore me he could still figure me out. A sudden moment of apprehension fell over me as a dreaded thought came to mind.

_What if that's all he thinks of me as? A puzzle that he can solve…_

I shook my head to rid my mind of such pessimistic thoughts, immediately chastising myself. 

_If he did, doofus, then why did he play around with me like that today? If I was nothing more than a mere enigma that he can solve on a weekly basis, he wouldn't go as far as to befriend me in such a manner._

"The truth is, Heero there's something that I've been meaning to tell you for a long time. The problem was that I was scared…scared of what you would say and what you would think." I confessed, still not meeting his gaze.

"Go on." He encouraged, genuine curiosity in his voice. Finally I found the inner strength to look up and meet his gaze. Staring directly in to his deep blue eyes, falling in to their fathomless Prussian depths, I opened my mouth to begin spilling my heart and soul to him.

"Heero, what I've waited so long to tell you is-" I was cut off at the worst time by a blood curdling scream and a gun shot coming from down stairs. Heero and I both jumped up, Heero knocking his soda over off the desk. The thin glass shattered on the white carpet, a dark black stain quickly seeping in to the cream colored fabric.

Heero paid it no heed and quickly went for a desk drawer where he pulled out two pistols and tossed one to me.

"Stay close behind me and don't make any sudden movements." He ordered. 

The next few moments happened so fast, in such a blur…sometimes I want to convince myself they didn't happen, but they did. 

Heero and I moved stealthily out of the room, guns cocked and ready. We slinked together through the shadows, dashing to the stair well as soon as it was insight. What greeted us at the bottom was not a pretty sight. 

Trowa was laying on the ground near the kitchen door, somewhere between alertness and unconsciousness. Blood snaked in a crimson river down the wall meeting with his back from a bullet wound driven through his right shoulder blade. Quatre was leaning over him crying hysterically. 

And a man with a gun stood in the living room, a wild look about his eyes. 

"Shit…" I muttered quietly, running my free hand through my unruly bangs. How the hell did this happen? Quatre always locked up at nine every night.

It hit me then…

The back door. Quatre must have forgotten to lock it when they all came out to check on Heero and I.

Heero motioned for me to follow quietly and slowly down the stairs. Nodding I went with him, staying directly behind him as the wild man with the gun went off on a tangent.

"I'm only saying this one more time, Mr. Winner! Give me whatever money you have now and a vehicle and no one else has to get hurt! NOW GIVE ME THE GODDAMN MONEY!" 

"And I told you, I don't have any on me! It's all in the bank! I can't help you, sir, now please just LEAVE!" Quatre screamed back, his voice cracking and raising an octave from fear and the tears he was shedding. He pressed his hand against Trowa's wound and crimson blood spilled over his pale shaking fingers. Trowa let out a low moan and shifted his weight as much as the pain would let him. I flinched knowing that must hurt like bitch. 

Heero and I reached the bottom with no problem. We snuck along in the shadows under the second story over hang until I stepped on the one creaky floor board in the entire house and let the whole world know that Shinigami and the Perfect Soldier had arrived. Heero threw me an exasperated look and I mouthed out, "Gomen!" with a defeated shrug. 

The guy jerked over and aimed his gun right at us. Of course we were two steps ahead with our pilots all ready aimed and ready.

"Who the hell are you?" Heero growled, switching back to soldier mode. Once again his face registered no emotion what so ever, but he couldn't fool me. I'd seen his pained and angered look when we were still upstairs.

"Not important, kid. All I want is some Goddamn money and a Goddamn car and I'll be out of your hair, got it?" the guy answered angrily, his quavering hand shaking the gun as he wielded it at us. His eyes were doing this insane dance, like he was tripping out on something, and I could tell he was about ready to go in to another screaming fit. I decided to handle this one, since Heero's people skills still weren't the best. 

"Quatre's telling the truth. All the money is in the bank and he only has one car here. If you must take a vehicle take my Harley. It's right out front and already filled. I might have some cash in my room if you'll just let me go get it." I said as calmly as possible, putting my hands up in a surrender fashion and taking a step forward. He threateningly thrust the gun in my direction, his hand shaking even worse than before. His eyes were so wild…he had to be on something!

"Whoa! Dude, I'm trying to do what you ask, but I kinda need my keys to do it." I explained evenly.

"Just stay back!" the guy screamed. 

"Do you want the-"

"STAY BACK! All of you…all of you…back back back back…" he started to ramble incoherently, swinging the gun around at all four of us. 

That made it official. The dude was tripping…

Quatre flinched in fear and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. I could tell he was just wish this nightmare would all be over.

"Look for the last time do you want to take my bike or what?" I asked, my eyes flickering over to Heero who could only shrug in response. He mouthed "Be careful," then turned his attention back to the wild man. 

"I said back…" he muttered again.

"Okay, it's obvious that you just need some help. Maybe if we can just get you to a hospital or something…" I said, sub consciously taking a step forward. 

Big fucking mistake…

All I could see was a shaky finger pull back on the trigger. The next thing I knew somewhere through the echoing sound of the crack the hammer hitting I heard Heero's voice screaming, "NO! DUO!" then a body ramming in to me from the side. 

I fell to the ground with a grunt of pain and felt my arm crack under my own body weight. Not even thinking about it I swiveled my head around quickly and saw the most awful sight…

The bullet hit Heero dead on target, piercing his skin in a splattering of crimson red blood. As if in slow motion Heero staggered back, his blue eyes open wide in fear and pain. He never let out a sound as his body crumpled to the ground. 

A nightmare…it had to be a nightmare. This couldn't have been happening to me. 

But it was…

Suddenly the room was alive with the sound of rapid gunshots. I jerked my head around to find out what was going on and watched as the wild man went down in a shower of blood and bullets. Wufei ran in double fisted with pistols and a really pissed off look on his face. He must have known something was terribly wrong. He never goes in to a battle carrying guns. 

Then he saw Heero laying on the ground, a dark red pool forming around his body and his eyes staring blankly upward. 

"Aww shit…" he muttered quietly, throwing his head back and rubbing the palms of his hands on his temples. In a fit of anger he threw the guns down on the ground, "FUCK! I'm too damn late!" he screamed out. 

I just lay there on the ground, staring at Heero's lifeless form. I knew my arm was broken, but I didn't care. I didn't even feel that physical pain right then. All I felt was the unbearable feeling of my heart being shattered in to a million pieces. 

So close…I was so close to telling him… 

Quatre and Wufei exchanged a few words before the Chinese teen finally complied and went to where Trowa was laying, catching Quatre's mobile phone as the blonde threw it to him. Quatre quickly got up and walked over to me, kneeling down in front of me and grabbing my shoulders.

"Duo? Duo! Duo, come on say something! Say something!" Quatre repeated, shaking me roughly. I just sat there staring at Heero. 

How could this happen?

Finally I looked back at Quatre and saw him staring at me with tears sliding down his cheeks. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking. 

"H-h-how…" my voice came out a tiny squeak as I felt the stinging hot tears burn in my own eyes. Quatre quickly took me in his arms then, embracing me as though I would die, too if he didn't. 

I broke down then, the salty tears spilling from my eyes on to Quatre's silk shirt. My shoulders racked with sobs and my chest heaved as I let out loud moans of anguish. 

So everyone says that boys don't cry…

I say they're full of shit…

Well I hope that my muse is happy! I feel really awful doing something like that to poor Duo! It's just not right! But…I did it…and it's over…finally. So guess now all I can do is ask for reviews and pray that no one kills me too horribly. Please? I really don't want to die…I'm too young to die! :: sigh:: Just read and review please. Oh, one more thing. Sorry it's so long for a 'short story'. It just kinda turned out that way. Okay, Ja Ne people!

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